12-Strategies To Survive Your Family During Holidays Without Drunk-Dialing Your Therapist
When boarding a plane, train or automobile en-route to your holiday destination, isn’t it tragically out-of-touch when your closest companion cheerfully barks, “travel safely!” Isn't that like so last millennium? Traveling safely TO a holiday destination is a piece of cake. We need the safety check-up once we're AT the holiday destination, these days. Thaaaat's where the real danger is.
Sliding off the road on a sheet of black-ice on Highway 57 in a random Uber––no problem––amateur-hour. But who can prepare you for what's truly about to happen amidst all the celebratory glee percolating at Aunt Sally Jean’s House? I mean where's the Wikipedia page for that sh**? There isn't one. This little article right here is all you've got. So, [ahem], listen closely.
Are you sure you’re ready for the holidays? I mean, like really, really ready? No, but are you Christmas Survivalist ready? [PAY ATTENTION]
CHRISTMAS SURVIVALIST CHECKLIST:
1. Is your health insurance up to date?
2. Have you refilled all of your heart and blood-pressure prescriptions?
3. Have you consulted a mental health professional determining your cranium “endurance-ready” for this type of stress right now?
4. Have you been doing more Zumba, Yoga, and Flywheel training all the weeks leading up to this event? How’s your cardio stamina?
5. Are you up on your supplements and protein shakes?
6. Have you been properly hydrating yourself?
Christmas is not a game people! You cannot just wade into these situations and not be prepared. This holiday is to celebrate the birth of one of the most peaceful beings to ever walk this earth. So put on your friggin armor!!!
And all the deep, raw, family-inflicted wounds given to you when you were a toddler will be set ablaze like a pool of hot burning gasoline.
Newsflash: Your life-coach will not be picking-up on Christmas Day. You, and your neurosis, will be solo, stuck in a room with all the people you inherited that neurosis from––besieged––in one big ambush of cousins, siblings, aunts and uncles, mushed into one house just because they share the same blood-ties or last name as you. And all the deep, raw, family-inflicted wounds given to you when you were a toddler will be set ablaze like a pool of hot burning gasoline.
Again, are you ready?
That being said, and since my life-coach really isn’t picking-up, I decided to survey about 100 friends from all kinds of socio-economic, age, cultural and national backgrounds on their holiday coping mechanisms. I wanted to see what I could glean from their chief survival strategies. And oh boy, were they generous with their advice.
Here's the top-12 of their personal tips for surviving your family during the holidays. Get pen and paper. My friends are deeply resourceful, intelligent and highly educated.
Friend 1 says:
“Smoke Pot."
I've labeled this one… The Druggie Strategy
Friend 2 says:
“[Just] Keep Smiling.”
I've labeled this one… The Diplomacy Strategy
Friend 3 says:
“Breathe. Be confident, calm, and pleasant. Expect drama so you aren’t caught off guard by it. You must artfully duck it…with finesse and grace…”
I've labeled this one… The Hay House Strategy - [Google It]
Friend 4 says:
“Avoiding them.”
I've labeled this one… The “Ooops, My Cell Phone Got Cut-Off Due To Me Intentionally Not Paying The Bill For The Month of December” Strategy
Friend 5 says:
“Think of Christmas and time with family as a short term collaboration. Like any other situation where you work with others; focus on the purpose and goals to be met (getting through Christmas dinner, making sure each child gets [the] attention they need in a blended family) and set aside any reason for differences bubbling through [the] surface and causing conflicts.”
I've labeled this one… The Professional Counselor Strategy
[*no like seriously, she's a Conflict Resolution specialist, DM us for her contact info]
Friend 6 says:
“Bring headphones, lol.”
I've labeled this one… The “You Can’t Offend Me If I Don’t Hear WTF You’re Saying” Strategy
Friend 7 says:
“It’s only 1 day or 2, and then it’s back to normal.”
I've labeled this one… The “You Are Not A Part of My Real Life Anyway” Strategy
Friend 8 says:
“Having that quiet place to hide when there are just too many people in the room. It’s a #1 for introverts. My cousin and I used to sit on the back porch. No talking. Just sitting there in peace.”
I've labeled this one… The Hide And Please Don’t Come Seek Strategy
Friend 9 says:
“Get rid of expectation and be realistic with all the animals you’re related to. It’s all good.”
I've labeled this one… The Accepting Reality Strategy
Friend 10 says:
“Jack Daniels.”
I've labeled this one… The “I Don’t Plan To Remember Most of This” Strategy
Friend 11 says:
“Hmmm… I’ve learned to just stop acknowledging the messed up things they say and changing the subject. Accepting they won’t change is key I think.”
I've labeled this one… The Oprah Super-Soul-Sunday Strategy
Friend 12 says:
“Our family of 4, the family my husband and I created, goes AWAY! We rent a cabin in the snow and stay put for 5 nights. [We] See the rest of the family, in smaller increments, before and after Christmas. (Big Smiley Emoji)”
I've labeled this one… The “K. You People Ain’t My Real Family No Mo, So, Buh-Bye” Strategy
Honestly, there were SO MANY PEOPLE WITH GREAT SURVIVAL TIPS and advice, I couldn’t possibly include them all. I'll have to save them for next year. I'm sure you'll still need'em. The top themes seemed to be different versions of "acceptance" and "avoidance." Check out a few bonus ones if you like.
I don’t want you to get the wrong impression...
...3 out of nearly 100 friends were completely stoked about the coming holiday. And here’s what they said:
Hey. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression assuming all of my survey participants spoke of impending bail money, repugnant republican uncles who voted for 45, or the predatory Harvey Weinstein pervs still in their families who have yet to be outed or prosecuted. Not all reports reeked of holiday cynicism and doom.
Of all the strategy and advice requests, I must admit a few responses warmed my heart a bit. They kind of restored my faith in the possibility of family again. At least a little.
3 out of nearly 100 friends were completely stoked about the coming holiday. I was shocked and privately elated. It was like spotting a red-nosed unicorn. It was an anthropological eureka! There were actually some families out there who still existed as family. And here’s what they said:
Stoked Friend 1 says:
“Hey! This is my FAVORITE time of year. I’ve been in the Christmas spirit since August! My folks are 79 and 89. We don’t survive [Christmas]. We THRIVE! Mom has had her tree up since Oct!"
Stoked Friend 2 says:
“I am pretty close to my family. Usually, thanksgiving or Christmas etc. everyone get[s] together at my house. My sisters live in ATL and my brother is in SF so everyone come[s] over and we celebrate at my house with my kids.”
Stoked Friend 3 says:
“I could live [back] at home and be perfectly happy. Lol. I love my family.”
This was pretty awesome I must admit. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I needed to know there were still some families out there who could make the holidays be about what they really should be about; “love and togetherness.”
Whole, happy and healthy families are a different kind of wealth––a tremendous wealth that money cannot buy and favors cannot barter. Those of you who have it, I implore you to know how valuable it is. Know that it has not been promised to everyone. It's the kind of wealth that eludes many millionaires and billionaires. It is a rare and priceless possession. Cherish it.
Love and connection are the biggest gifts you can give someone this season. Every human being, regardless of circumstance, just needs at least one day out of the hard and unforgiving year where they can feel more love than they normally do. Bring some healing to someone if you can, just by being the best part of you. That costs you nothing.
Sometimes we treat strangers with more love and consideration than our families. Be conscious this year. Be merry. Be thankful. Be love.
Cheers.
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
