Who You Love Says How Much You Love Yourself
Artist Credit: A Banksy classic
Do you truly love who you are loving? Or are you loving who you are loving out of a lack of love for yourself?
Whether dating exclusively in a relationship, settled into a long-term relationship or nestled into a real-deal marriage, congratulations. There are many lonely hearts in the world who envy your seeming happiness, but (between you and I) should they? You can be honest here.
Perhaps you were one of those lonely hearts pining for love for years as well. Then you set a goal to never be alone again. And now, alas, you’re not alone. But what’s the quality of the person you’re with and how does that reflect the quality of relationship you have with yourself?
Interesting question, right?
Some people consider getting a relationship or even acquiring a spouse such a “life goal” that when they acquire it, they almost feel a prideful vindication. It’s a grand feat.
It’s like they’ve reached the summit of a mountain they’ve been climbing––like forever. And that’s not a judgment, especially considering how many weekly harassment calls single people get from their nervous mothers, yapping, “Have you found someone special yet? When am I going to have grandchildren? You don’t have much longer before your ovaries go out-of-business, dear. Has the doctor checked your recent sperm count? You are getting older, plus all of the male whoring you did in your twenties has to have a negative effect”
These kinds of pressures can make us love people (we inwardly know) we should not be attempting to love because they are not true match to us. They are just convenient––for appearances, for lonely nights and for the meantime.
Getting nervous mothers off of your back is definitely a worthy goal, but grabbing the first person you see then tying them down in a relationship with you, just to get your mom off your nerve isn’t really advised. You’ll probably end up trading one kind of misery for another kind of misery. And that’s where this story begins.
None of us make good choices under duress, stress or pressure. So when you chose your current mating partner, what kind of subconscious (or not so subconscious) pressures were you putting yourself under? Biological clock ticking loudly? Ovaries going dry? Sperm count dipping low? Embarrassed that you’re the only sibling who hasn’t found a mate to marry and now you look like a pathetic loser at every holiday gathering? Are these the things you were saying to yourself when you chose your current mate?
These kinds of pressures can make us love people (we inwardly know) we should not be attempting to love because they are not true match to us. They are just convenient––for appearances, for lonely nights and for the meantime.
But when you love people whom you don’t really love, people who dole out varying forms of misery to you, what does that say about your love for yourself? Imposing an unnatural, nerve grating, painful relationship upon yourself just to be in a relationship reveals what might be a deep, undervaluing of the sanctity and worth of self. Giving more importance to your relationship status than your mental health is not the way to go.
When you see a phenomenal woman paired with a phenomenal man you know that both completely get how phenomenal they are, because they settled for nothing less than what they deserve and what they reflect.
Who are you dating right now? Who are you married to right now? What’s the character of this person? What about your choice of mate says how much you respect or don’t respect yourself? What about your choice of mate says how much you honor or don’t honor yourself? What about your choice of mate says how much you love or don’t love yourself? These can be very hard questions for persons stuck in the negative side of this possible predicament.
When you see a phenomenal woman paired with a phenomenal man you know that both completely get how phenomenal they are, because they settled for nothing less than what they deserve and what they reflect. Isn’t that what we love about extremely well paired couples like, for example, a Barack and Michelle Obama?
But how many phenomenal people do you see linked up with people who drag their lives and drag their spirits and just drag? Too many, right? You might be blaming the draggers but truthfully the problem is in the esteem, the faith and the inner-relationship of the person who would subject themselves to a love that is less than what they deserve.
The first upgrade that person needs is in how they see and value self. If they do that, the second upgrade will happen naturally. They will move on to a love scenario that really reflects the value of who they are. That would be the act of a valuable person valuing how valuable they are. That act would be the evidence of their newly nurtured self love.
Only a person who sees their worth will demand their worth.
Tell your nervous mom to just put a sock in it. The it would be her mouth. She’s going to have to wait. Exchanging a happy single-life (with an unhappy mom) for a happy mom (and a miserable marriage) is not how to honor thyself. If your mother is truly bullying you into a relationship you don’t want, need, or haven’t found, just change your number and tell your mom she can reach you at a seldom used email address you rarely check. Preferably, something with “hotmail” at the end of it.
Love is only fun when there is actual love in it.
Get what you deserve.
There’s no rush.
Remember.
Who you love says exactly how much you love yourself.
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
