The Power of “I’m Sorry.”
Should it be so difficult to utter the phrase, “I’m sorry?” One might think the phrase a hot cauldron of boiling acid, kryptonite or an incurable infectious disease by the way it’s often treated in our society.
Time and time again we’ve seen public officials (or celebrities) enduring excruciating press conferences, painfully attempting to cough up the two words. Some actually shake with discomfort, while others’ eyes well-up with water––while some flank themselves with betrayed wives, family members or supportive staff members––as if to say, “See, I’m not actually a loser to everyone.”
But that’s just the thing, why is saying, “I’m sorry,” losing? Why do some find the words the equivalent of death––as if someone is literally dying when they’re trying to say it? Perhaps it’s because there IS someone dying. There's a big, fat, juicy tremendous ego, oozing with toxicity and pus, dying. Time to let it go.
Let’s expand this.
Let’s detox.
THE NON-SORRY APOLOGY
Some in our culture, as a standard, will say, “I apologize,” but flatly refuse to say, “I’m sorry,” as a show of contrition. They’ve been taught to believe the words “I’m sorry” a statement personally describIng themselves as a “sorry” or worthless individual. (See that little deft ego trying to survive?)
This is when, for the offender at least, the “I’m sorry” becomes a personal value statement about them––even though this moment of seeming contrition is supposed to be about creating space for forgiveness, safety and future collaboration with the person offended. In this non-sorry instance, it appears the offender prefers to “apologize” because it is a more dignified way to retain personal ego power while “granting” the seeming show of contrition. This little chess move reveals that their concern is still securely upon self and not upon the person hurting, due to them.
But why is this clever ploy necessary?
Perhaps it is because they themselves, the offender, is so hardened from the ways, woes and wounds of their own world they cannot take another seeming inner diminishment? Perhaps. Let’s see.
THE SCARED FIGHTER: PRESERVING THE EGO AT ALL COSTS
To some, uttering those two little words simply means ‘another loss’ in a world where they already feel they’ve lost too many times––and they’ve determined to NEVER lose again. And in this SENSITIVE egoic mind, uttering “I’m sorry” is certainly taken as another indication of defeat. When we are in this mindset OUR ENTIRE WORLD is about wins, losses, triumphs, defeats and one-upmanship.
So my question is this; “Do these qualities, defensive concerns and walls of resistance ever show up in you?” If so, when? If so, after what? If so, why?
The ego is all about SENSITIVITY. Ego is a big THROBBING BALL OF UNRESOLVED HURT––accumulating from when we were children up to this very moment––and whenever it is touched, the owner of said ego explodes into fight, flight or other strategies of spectacular foolishness to protect these wounds––wounds the owner usually refuses to ‘admit to’ and heal.
Which brings us to our next important point.
Perhaps, those who didn’t hear “I’m sorry” enough, are the ones most vehemently refusing to say, “I’m sorry.”
If the ego is in such a state that it has lost all generosity of spirit (which is what a show of contrition is) it clearly feels so robbed by previous occurrences that it refuses to give an inch to another seeming taker.
Think of the most hardened egos you know of. Have compassion upon them. Those people are on ‘red alert’ inside. They have built themselves into tiny fortresses––hungrily seeking power and the preservation of it––because inside they secretly feel powerless.
That’s the big secret. Only those who secretly feel powerless inside seek, thirst and strive for power.
Those who already “are power” have nothing to seek, because they’ve already acknowledged themselves and the intrinsic power they organically came with by spiritual birthright. They thirst for nothing. They’ve found their inner wellspring. They don't express power as an invading force. They just are. And when these say, “I’m sorry” they feel no loss because their accounts are filled from within. They can say “I’m sorry” with power, as power and in (softly displayed) power.
SIMPLY DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU
Think of it. Life is a school. You are not perfect. No one is. All have come to this plane to make mistakes and learn from them. They will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. So when mistakes are made involving you, what do you want from the mistake maker?
Be honest; if you were accidentally or intentionally wronged by someone, you would at least want them to say the words, “I’m sorry,” to you, and to mean it. Wouldn’t you? Probably so. Wouldn’t those simple two words go at least some of the distance toward the repair of the fabric of your own personal ego and personal disappointment?
When you hear the sincere utterance of the two words “I’m sorry,” what does it do for you? Doesn’t it help? At least, a little? If this is true, why not “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Why not operate from such a high place of character and ‘true’ strength that you feel no vulnerability when offering the two words? Why not sincerely make the two words about the repair of the person you may have harmed, instead of making the moment about the repair of you?
Are you strong enough to say it, feel it, and mean it? If so, my friend, you are the strongest amongst us.
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
